Inadvertently I’ve been conducting an experiment. Is a desire to write and an interest in thinking about writing sufficient to produce writing?
I’ll spare you the trials – it isn’t. Most days include an idea, or multiple, willing themselves to be shared in my journal or on this blog. Days lead to weeks lead to months, and still nothing. It’s scary to realize, finally, that this will just continue indefinitely unless something changes.
Once aware of a gap between the results wanted and the results actually being worked towards, the effect is often in my case counterintuitive. I let the chasm grow further, both through more time passing and allowing expectation to bubble out of control.
After all, if this is the first I’ve written in several months, it had better be ‘good,’ right? It had better include a hindsight gaze, a present reflection, a future coming into view. With nice photos. And accompanying social media! While I’m at it I may as well include an introspective look at all of these ‘shoulds’ that lumber around with me, and bring this particular piece full circle by sharing my way forward in a brave new world free-er from them.
But I don’t have any of those paragraphs composed today, because I’ve been rather occupied with either thinking about what to write about, or not thinking about writing at all. I do want that to change, but if I’ve learned anything then it’s this: Throwing another ‘should’ at it won’t change anything.